On luck, being lost and the self.

I have been beyond lucky in life to get that which few people do. Genuine, kind hearted and well meaning friends, a supportive family, the opportunity to lead and have people put their trust in me and then experience the world beyond the limits of where I was born.

For the longest time I spent time over thinking why. Not knowing that it is not our job to necessarily know. At times, pure gratitude is enough. For some time exercising gratitude and not introspection has helped me stay grounded - more forward thinking. 

I am coming around not trying to prove - to others, to myself, compensate and justify what I have to someone and anyone. It has ultimately taken the joy that I once felt when I started both my work and my adult life. When I had nothing, I was driven by the ambition to have. Now that I've acquired some, I no longer think wanting is enough. Somewhere down the line I complicated life thinking I was making it easy.

The irony is both a source of embarrassment and relief. 

I no longer see success with the same lens I used to 5 years ago. People who cannot be individuals of thoughts, wonder and amazement outside their material world remind me of the empty vessel that get dragged in the race of proving themselves, just as I was doing once, to someone and to anyone. 

The purity of life is with those that are content and in realization that life planned is good, but not a guarantee. Having plenty is great, but being burdened by the same is not. 

My barter with the world ends here. I have done enough to damage my curious, kind self to embody whatever idea of success the world has had for me. 

Its time I don't work the way the world wants me, but to make the world work the way I want it to. I'd rather experience my luck, my sense of belonging and the self on my terms than in constant wonder of the others.