Pulse

Last I properly wrote was in January 2016. We are nearing the end of June and I think its time I let go of my confusions for what they are: mere confusions. You see, I was overcome by this grave flood of new priorities: work and studies, leaving me with no time to tend to my new peeves about writing and self. It was not always like this. When I had started writing, it was not so much about quality, rather the joy of expressing. But alas, adulthood hit and hit hard. The new insecurities that came with it were far worse, far complex than I was maybe prepared to mentally take on. Cutting me off at my knees and throwing me into a spiral. A revolution of the mind was demanded and I did not know how to cope with it. We are for most part of our childhood left at the mercy of adults, this transition from childhood to adulthood becomes excruciating when there's a demand of rewiring your thoughts according to this new, more independent life style. We are suddenly expected from, are to ...

Dear Charlie Hebdo, Thank you for defining what true disgust really feels and looks like. Lucky for us, your latest work of 'art' is full of it. Under the pretext of freedom of speech and sarcasm you have given life to moral degeneration in a remarkably refreshing manner. I am in awe. A full grown adult with such ignorance and lunacy, I won't say is unknown to this world, but definitely rare. Rarer in your case since you seem to be among the elites in that land. Say hi to Trump for me, by the way. Aylan Kurdi, the (dead) kid whose destiny you played God to, depicting in this horrid cartoon as a potential 'groper'/sexual harasser, was a really smart choice to put your gun onto and fire. I mean, what could be more igniting than using an innocent kid, who died untimely and tragically because some powerful (both legitimate and illegitimate) actors decided to work their issues out with complete disregard to  human life. Not that you're doing anything different...

I think I am going to have a breakdown. I am going to either internally diminish in a way that only the flesh remains, or have both my soul and flesh destroyed at the same time. Either way, it spells doom for me. I have been living on hope for so long that its starting to suffocate my very existence. And I have reached a point where total suffocation has made me realize that I never had any  hope to begin with. It was just wishful thinking on my part that saw the great blooming poison as a way out, and seek it. Ironic, isn't it. I was advancing towards death with every breath I took. Making me realize that its  not death that calls us, but us . Only some, like me, idiot as they are, run towards it. I like to believe I do it cause I am a coward in thoughts and character. I have no moral standings. I am just a body with a name. And now all sense is seeping throw my hands like water does. I can not contain the disgust, the filth. It lives and reeks under my nose and in...

Someday my ideas will drive me crazy! I'll be the lunatic who'll become a laughing stock for young and old to mock; for them to point and shove my overachieved sanity for insanity. No sir! I am not wise by a million light years; I am just dumb enough to accept that entire wisdom cannot be achieved by a mere mortal - especially by the likes of me. The paradoxical entireties of our lives have been ever so magnificently (as an adjective only reserved for Him) placed to keep men grounded. As man half flies with intellect and comes back down… trashing down, realizing that all knowledge leads to one entity and His alone, and to one reality: of nothingness and his alone. Man! Man! Man! You absurd little creature. You learn to observe, discover and learn, yet with each step in that direction, self stitch your lips into the deep abyss of realization. A realization too profound for not only mine but for any writer, who dares me, to write... to   express . I wonder if this i...

Finally, I feel awesome! I know using the word awesome, being so overused and cliché and so… ‘normal’ somehow cuts down on my seemingly legitimate value. But what the hell, why does normalcy, or especially not being among the ones whose prime purpose is to run and run away from gelling in, and reaching where they are recognized as ‘unique’, such a bad thing? To be honest, I am tattered. I feel shit. I am making mistakes, more as of late, and am pretty clueless in my otherwise personally self organized life. And ironically, I am just fine. There is no magic to it. I’ve just learned to accept the many faces of life. I’ve learned to not know the outcomes, as life is as unpredictable as it gets. Still hold onto  being the one who tries, because life being unpredictable isn’t an excuse to lurk around and do nothing, but more of a challenge to get off our butts and try harder.  It’s just perspective I guess. I am also trying to realize that there are billions o...

Try living the life where you try to think of the other person, the other side, the opposing story... constantly. It's painful. But is it right? Whether with friends or foes, imagine yourself reasoning for their behavior, attitude and feelings, and more than often above your own. Just because you realize that there are sides,and there are stories, and that the other person is as human as you. He/She deserves as much a chance as you.  I believe , 'empathy' is what its called. But how much empathy is enough?  And on the expense of sounding selfish and insane, does constant empathy not ruin our own self esteem? As egocentric as this may seem, how do I find logic in losing my self in the process of understanding others. Just how... Can anyone out there tell  me the exact proportion of using 'I' as well as 'them', and in that maintaining individual sensibilities and the social etiquette necessary to run a better world? I am living in paradoxes, which lif...